you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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