Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
