how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
