I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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