By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
