I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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