absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think your dad took our porno
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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