I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
