well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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