She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
And then he peed in my hair
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