Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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