dude i'm inner monologue high
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
