Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
