She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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