Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
