Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
