if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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