i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
