i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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