Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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