if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
