Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
