Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?