I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?