hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.