My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.