You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize