At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
