I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
