One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
