Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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