I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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