when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
