i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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