winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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