if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
