i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
