Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
