I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
