They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
