I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
