I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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