yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
