I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
