drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
