Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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