U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And then he peed in my hair
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