i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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