Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
