nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
