and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
