it's like heaven, but drunker
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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