Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg