We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's