All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.