oh god the rape fog is back!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
