I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
