I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
