I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
