Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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