you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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