Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
