the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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