I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize