i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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