My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
