I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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